when is depression going to go away...

3 months now... going and still going... These mixed emotions for the past 3 months and still at it won't leave. My oldest brother was in town, we saw each other at the wake of my uncle and drove back here at my place to chill and hang around. My brother is a headache to himself, to his wife, to my parents, to us siblings and to his bestfriends. He had 2 businesses that fucked up. now the 3rd one still ok.. i guess. Now he has been kicked out of his wife's house in Davao, lives now with a student somewhere sharing an apartment. I dont understand why stuff happens like it happens. I wanted to help him grow up and be a man for his family especially for his kids. but ended up just prying on his life coz he doesn't want to talk about it, hear about what i have to say or just plain deaf ear for issues regarding his life. I respect that but fuck... FUCK YOU BENNEDICK... FIX UR FUCKING LIFE... FOR OUR SAKE... FOR THE SAKE OF PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU AND WORRY ABOUT YOU. The last line that i dropped to him was " if the majority is complaining, maybe its time to listen to the majority..." I'm an artist and i can understand that.

Now, my dad, ever loyal, ever loving hooked him up with his HS alumnus, a businessman importing candies and car stereos, now my brother is going to be a distrubutor in mindanao for him. earning through comission and a bit of profit. If he fucks this up, i know my dad is giving up coz my dad is pretty influential in that alumni thats why he got it with a low price and a very good start for him. Being fucking depressed, i just diverted whatever that fucking depression in playing Warcraft with him. just to ease things up. He's the same old BAD KID back in the 90's still him. but now without the stint of arrogance, dignity and power. he looks like an old matress... but u just recently bought it. Withered, scrapped, dirty and old. he's 32 i think but he looks 40, weighs around just 140 from the looks of it. SHIT! and i looked up to him when i was still a kid. which pains me more. Woke up today... thinking about it and wept. wept at the memory of how he looks. wept at the memory that i can't do anythiing about it, help about it coz he doesn't want to be helped. FUCK. FUCK this depression FUCK HIM!!!! FUCK HIM!!!

I advised him to get an anullment... answer " mahal magpa anull, wala akong pera dami kong utang..." PUTANGINA. PUTANGINA.... even the solution for his pain and problem seems to be far far away to reach. My parents wont even bother to help him with cash for something that they don't believe in. He has 2 kids now. both are lovely intelligent healthy kids. WHY? why all the FUCKING OUTSIDE, DRINKING, CLUBBING, SMOKING SHIT all the time... why not play and love the kids and just don't mind the wives. THERE ARE KIDS FOR GOD"S SAKE!!! FUCK!!!!... im angry now, frustrated, pissed, depressed and helpless! FUCK...

Seems like that's what brothers or friends can do... sit, watch, warn, and wait fot shit to hit the fan and be there. MOTHERFUCKER... this is so envious... so so envious... wish i had the luxury of friends waiting for stuff to hit the fan... So that's it... 3 fucking months of non stop EMO trip! and I ain't even doing X, or crashing on A, or any other motherfucking EMO Drug... guess i don't need it... NATURAL IS THE WAY TO GO... SEE? I'M DEPRESSED AREN'T I? FUCK.