Stress, Sadness, Frustration, Fears

It's been a month now since she left. So much has happened in 30 days with little choice to think or even reflect on. She was here then she was gone. I really do miss her so much, seems like this empty room does not mean anything anymore when she is gone. I've been working for days, trying to pass each day with just work on my mind, just eating all the stress that it has been giving me until i realized. I realized that this room is a place full of memories, some how its another world when she was here, a place to relax a place to forget about work, a place that how pathetic it might sound, but its a place that i would like to call my life. I work my ass out every single day for a dream that you once dreamt to be perfect, but now its turning into something so sour that you wish you never were a part of. Friends who take advantage, use you to their own personal advantage, something this sick culture of ours will never ever change, nor the world would really. and its so sad to think about it and work around it, would you sacrifice your own self respect just to compete and survive in the world of deceit. Right now I'm writing on top of my head, whatever I just think of, somehow all the humiliation, pressure of the Film Pandanggo has turned me into a brain dead sick person. Literally sick, can't sleep, can't eat much, body pains, stress. I'm burned out creatively, intelectually, and emotionally. My head is blank, thinking of nothing but it seems to be still running. running and running and running. dreaming of things that you thought of during the day but you cant remember when you did. you could remember the dream so vividly even though you have just slept for 2 hours, but you cant seem to remember that you thought of something like it when you were awake, but somehow there is a hint that you did hence the dream. Sucks.. this state sucks... looks like I can only rest when the film is done with. and the MTV is done with.. and all the other fucking work that comes along with it is done with.

I fear of losing it. I'm not scaring you folks... but I feel like shit and I feel like just resting... give me my rest....